Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Theodora's LiveJournal:

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Friday, October 16th, 2009
4:50 am	Music as I listen to rain and ponder the things that keep me from sleeping. (for jane_lane18, the Josh Homme version) Current Mood: blank Current Music: "This Lullaby"--Queens of the Stone Age (pet me now)
Thursday, October 8th, 2009
4:03 am	In flux. Too many things confuse me right now. I don't know what I'm doing or feeling or what's happening half the time, because the moment I think I've got a fix on it, things change. There's a new story--a new song and dance--and I have to try to follow the tune and maintain the choreography; I can't afford not to. I can hear myself utter jarring, sour notes and watch myself lumber awkwardly and gracelessly--all the while screaming at myself to stop talking, to stop moving, to stop flailing--and yet I cannot stop it. Sometimes I long for white noise. At least then I could find some kind of pattern again for myself without all the outside interference. Sometimes I look at myself long enough in the mirror that I start to lose all coherence as a self and become some strange mountain of lumpy, spotty other-flesh that bears no resemblance to anything connected to my identity. I explore the hills and valleys of pockmarked puckers, pits and pores across the roadmap of facial flesh, and wonder how my consciousness can be trapped inside this. It's more surreal than any Dali image, and sometimes I feel if I stare long enough, I'll suddenly erupt from the mountain in a shower of blood, bone chips, and viscera. I'll finally have enough space to radiate in all directions past my fears and striving--and the freedom to condense into the tightest ball of self-conviction possible--in a way that this battered, broken-down hulking fleshprison could never allow. Current Mood: dissociative Current Music: "No Surprises"--Radiohead (1 scratch | pet me now)
Friday, September 18th, 2009
4:37 am	One of those. I should be asleep but am still up and thinking. The rain lulls me to sleep one minute, and then leads me to block out the passing of time as I range all over the internet. There's so much to be done, and I'm so tired. I try to sleep, but while I do eventually succumb, it's not long till I'm awake and flipping over my pillow again. There is precious little rest happening. I have to keep trying. At some point, I'm convinced, I'll get it right, and I'll wake up with optimism and with the emotional and physical energy to look the day in the eye and kick its ass. Am about to go give it another shot. Current Mood: drained Current Music: "Virgin State of Mind"--K's Choice (3 scratches | pet me now)
Wednesday, September 2nd, 2009
9:48 pm	It's that time again... Dragon*Con time! My job situation monster-sucks and is falling apart a little, but I refuse to let it ruin the one long weekend I have to enjoy myself and do things for other people. There'll be enough time after the holiday for that sort of thing. I'll be working in the YA Lit track room pretty much the entirety of con, unless I manage to drag myself to some of the music. Faith and the Muse, Cruxshadows, Voltaire, Abney Park, AND Hellblinki Sextet?? I have to see these. The YA Lit track room is in the Marriott on the Atrium level, down the hallway between Pulse and the Atrium ballroom that's under the upper level of Pulse. A707. Come find me! (I'm also staying in the Marriott, so I'll likely be around there most of the con.) I love you guys, and I hope to see many of you soon, and I'll miss those I won't see (thinking of you, Crystal!). Bye for now. Current Mood: busy Current Music: "Here It Goes Again"--OK Go (2 scratches | pet me now)
Thursday, August 6th, 2009
11:55 pm	Brief reflection before preparing for class. There are so many things are are truly fucked up in my life. And there are so many things for which I am unendingly grateful and conscious of the gifts that they are to me. One question. Why do they so often seem to be the same things? Current Mood: sick Current Music: "Darkangel"--VNV Nation (2 scratches | pet me now)
Tuesday, July 21st, 2009
12:59 am	a few notes. Dear Readers, In case you ever thought "Hey! Bronchitis! Let's give that a try"--please rethink this. I am under the weather and behind right now with teaching stuff as a result; missed work Monday. Am doing my dead-level best to make it in tomorrow, but it's not going to be pretty. I'm an adjunct; I have no expectation of work beyond the current quarter unless they tell me otherwise, and it's only my first with them. I have to prove myself, and that doesn't happen when you miss work. I missed my library job Monday too--apparently I wasn't the only sick person, either. Am going to try to make it to this job also. As for later--we'll see how the rest goes. Happy birthday to my D and anyone else I have missed congratulating over the past while since I've posted. I love everyone; I'm just wiped out. Current Mood: sick Current Music: "Eli, the Barrow Boy"--The Decemberists (4 scratches | pet me now)
Wednesday, July 15th, 2009
4:55 am	We pause now for a commercial break... "We are here at the Regal Hollywood 24, where we've secretly replaced Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince with this underwhelming film. Let's see if anyone can tell the difference!" Current Mood: drained Current Music: Section: "You'll Not Feel the Drowning"--The Decemberists (3 scratches | pet me now)
Tuesday, June 23rd, 2009
11:48 pm	Must have just missed you. Left you a message while you were out: (The feet belong to James--I wish you could have met him.) Current Mood: numb Current Music: "Dad"--K's Choice (2 scratches | pet me now)
Friday, May 1st, 2009
1:46 am	A little light meme-sheepery Prompted by the ever-excellent silverdragon729: Comment on this entry, and I will: 1. Tell you why I friended you. 2. Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a color, a photo, a word etc. 3. Tell you something I like about you. 4. Tell you a memory I have of you. 5. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you. 6. Tell you my favorite user pic of yours. 7. In return, you must post this in your LJ --------------------------------------------- I like this one, as it focuses more on my fabulous friendfolks. :) Current Mood: sick Current Music: "Uncertain Smile"--the The (9 scratches | pet me now)
Tuesday, April 14th, 2009
12:32 am	If you're interested. Tagged by countessmary Tagging: kantar, bevlovesbooks, silverdragon729, bedivere, lieran, moonnroses82, zamiel, jillmaddoxcm Firstly: People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blog and replace any question that they dislike with a new, original question. Secondly: Tag eight people. Don't refuse to do that. Don't tag who tagged you. See above list! ( here it is ) That's about it. Current Mood: pensive Current Music: "A Girl Like You"--Edwyn Collins (2 scratches | pet me now)
Wednesday, March 11th, 2009
9:25 am	This Is The Day Well... you didn't wake up this morning, 'cause you didn't go to bed. You were watching the whites of your eyes turn red. The calendar on your wall is ticking the days off. You've been reading some old letters. You smile and think how much you've changed. All the money in the world couldn't buy back those days. You pull back the curtains, and the sun burns into your eyes. You watch a plane flying across a clear blue sky. This is the day your life will surely change. This is the day when things fall into place. You could've done anything, if you'd wanted. And all your friends and family think that you're lucky. But the side of you they'll never see Is when you're left alone with the memories That hold your life together like glue You pull back the curtains, and the sun burns into your eyes, You watch a plane flying across a clear blue sky. This is the day your life will surely change. This is the day when things fall into place. This is the day your life will surely change... Current Mood: blank Current Music: "This Is The Day"--the The (2 scratches | pet me now)
Friday, March 6th, 2009
8:51 am	I miss breathing. Dear Readers, I wish I was better, but while I'm not running a fever anymore, I am finding it extraordinarily difficult to breathe. I hate it. Hate. Meds have not made a significant impact yet. Still waiting on that. In the meantime...here's something the opposite of how I feel. I am rather proud of how that one came out. Taking a nap now. Love, K. (For those interested folks, it's a Blossom--named for the candied violet on top--from the Ecstasy line of truffles at The Chocolate Fetish in Asheville, NC.) Current Mood: sick Current Music: "Machine Head"--Bush (6 scratches | pet me now)
Sunday, February 8th, 2009
10:25 am	Five years... and they've been largely good ones. Not without troubles, but I love my James, and he loves me, and we're committed to working things out. I'll be forever grateful to Sarah for being the person she is. (Except the part where she made his life hell. She can burn for that. Or better yet, be left to her own devices, right where she is, without fucking up anyone else but herself.) It's been a lovely weekend, and now we're in the last stretches of our little vacation. I'm going to go enjoy the last bits now. Love you all, Karen Current Mood: loved Current Music: "Ceremony"--New Order (2 scratches | pet me now)
Wednesday, January 28th, 2009
2:28 am	Black Celebration Music Meme Doing this because Mary did, and tonight is the night for lemmings. INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Put your iPod or other music player on shuffle. 2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer. 3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS! 4. Tag friends who might enjoy doing this as well as the person you got this from. ( come on in and laugh at some of these ) Current Mood: tired Current Music: "Walk This Earth Alone"--Lauren Christy (1 scratch | pet me now)
Thursday, January 22nd, 2009
5:41 am	So much, yet so little time, as usual. Dear Readers, It's been a long, lunatic ride on the crazytrain to crazytown all holiday season. over 3,000 miles on the car, grandmother stroke--but wait, no not a stroke, but we don't know what, work again, OMG YAY OBAMA INAUGURATION YAY...it's all stuff I just haven't had time to talk about, as well as to let you know about other things going on at present. So instead, I leave you with a metric fuckton of pictures, as I am worn slap out and would like to show what I spent a lot of the holidays working on for various people. ( Pretty shinies within, if I do say so myself... ) And in other excellent news--Mary made me socks!!!! Now I have kick-ass footcoverings AND a Jayne hat...it's only a matter of time till I get her to knit something for all the rest of me too. ;) ( lovely sock pics under the cut ) It's been a long, long day, so...I'm going to bed now. Love, Karen Current Mood: exhausted Current Music: "Sally's Song"--Fiona Apple (15 scratches | pet me now)
Wednesday, December 31st, 2008
6:52 pm	In a manner of speaking. Dear Readers, The year's ending, another's beginning, and I don't have time to worry about either, as I'm running late. Feel free to ruminate here upon the end of the last, the start of the new, or whatever--I'll be posting more stuff here sometime tomorrow or Friday. Much love to everyone, K. Current Mood: rushed Current Music: "I'm On My Way"--The Proclaimers (1 scratch | pet me now)
Sunday, December 21st, 2008
7:29 am	******** Awaiting clarity. Nothing yet. Current Mood: restless Current Music: "Across the Universe"--Fiona Apple (cover) (4 scratches | pet me now)
Saturday, December 13th, 2008
11:47 pm	computer malfunction ahoy Not that I normally bother to mention computer issues, but I am entirely replacing my desktop in about...five minutes. Still must wait to see what transfers and if stuff doesn't and hope that nothing gets lost or corrupted. Argh. Anyone I owe pictures to or responses to lj entries or emails--it'll be another day at least, but trust me, I'm working on it. Love, K. Current Mood: worried Current Music: "Another One Bites the Dust"--Queen (pet me now)
Monday, December 8th, 2008
11:11 pm	A quick word. Dear Readers, Some of you are my best friends, some may just wish me well, and still others might just be studying me curiously, but no matter what, I just wanted to express how grateful I am that you're out there. In case you ever wondered, and even if we've never met in person, it does mean something to me. With this in mind, I'm going to focus for a moment on things that make my heart full. ( here's but a few of many ) Not nearly even close to everything I could list, but these things...they are good. Current Mood: content Current Music: "Meant To Be"--Squirrel Nut Zippers (9 scratches | pet me now)
Friday, October 31st, 2008
7:43 am	I did but see her passing by... Dear folks, See icon. Back to Augusta. Love to all. --K. Current Mood: grateful Current Music: "Cherub Rock"--Smashing Pumpkins (6 scratches | pet me now)